Thanks for the latest comments...here is something I wrote like 4 years ago to that girl [but never gave] that sent me the email couple of days ago. I found it when I was arranging and organizing my stuffs. I haven't read it but I would just like to share the content and my reactions with you. [bracket would be my current comment]

It's about one o'clock right now. Last night, we had a talk about where we are heading in our relationship [We had a date in SF]. We said a lot of things in the lobby [The hotel she's staying at] and I can't really digest it instantly...you know, I'm no Zack [I thinks its a early smallville reference...zack is the jock that's dating Lana...who kinda look like this girl]. In the train [BART], I began to put my observations, understandings, interpretations...etc, and break them down and analyze them.That night, I got home, got in bed, try to get sleep. I just can't sleep. Words keep on popping in to my mind...I guess that's the stream of consciousness you're talking about. I didn't get up to write it down. I know when I start to write it down, these thoughts would just fade away as words appear on the screen [This is kinda like a blog a few years before its invention and popularization].

So this morning, I woke up at 9, even though I can't technically call it waking up cause I didn't sleep [damn I am good at writing stuffs...maybe it's just my ironic life]. But either way, I was going to get on the computer and start writing the thoughts I had that night. I guess I stalled again. I went and had breakfast. After breakfast, I thought I would begin to write. I stalled once again and I went outside to wash my car. For some reason, tedious, monotonous labor just helps me think [Very much like how I see my life and my architecture idea]. I was outside for like 30 to 40 minutes and I finally have a better understanding of where we stand [brewing the idea].

Those 2 paragraphs took me 15 minutes. [I have this in the paper...that's quick writing and thinking...blogging talent]

By now, you should know a lot about me. Remember how I judge a movie? If it makes me laugh, makes me cry, and makes me think, then it's a great movie. I'm sorry to compare you to a movie but you can make me laugh, you can make me cry, and you often time would make me think [a lot]. There's not a lot of movies or people that can do that to me.

Well, I got one thought out, what I should I talk about next?

Reading and rereading your letter, I can't help but notice the number of times you use the word "friends." [ouch word] That word brings back a lot of [pain] bad memories. Girls have gave me that "lets just be friends" [label] speech before and I would never see them again. Those words coming from you seem awkward as well. I would like to keep you in my life. I mean, seeing you go away the last day in San Luis Obispo was one of the hardest good byes I had [yea...we hugged for almost 5 minutes.] In the car, I was tearing up. It's just the fact that I have to part with a special person that I admire, a special person that I care about, or perhaps love would make my eye teary.

I know you are the last person in the world that would hurt me [not really...she did hurt me]. You don't have to answer this question if you don't want to. Are you just trying not to hurt me by telling me all this cause it's better than telling me you're not interested? Are you afraid that you'll hurt my feelings and things would never be the same [it is already not the same...I want the change to be good...she want it to be bad]? Is that why you said you're not interested in a relationship right now and you want to pause at where we are [pause sucks...awkward...meaning less...i'm no VCR]? I'm the last person in the world that would try to hurt you and if these questions hurt me as much as they hurt you, I apologize for that. [good job...apology removed]...

I just did a small fraction of my draft...I think it really illustrate my personality and how I behave in relationships...I hope you enjoy these...more to come...I have lots of material I need to blog up because they are blogs I made before there is any blog in the world. These are gold. Damn....the next paragraph is good...Now you can see why I love my blog readers...

Last nite, when we were talking in the lobby and you asked me what do I want. I couldn't come up with an answer. Whatever I said would make me a selfish person. If I want to spend more time with you, I'm being selfish cause I don't think about your situation. If I said I want to have a steady relationship with you and you said you're not ready for it. Again, I'm being a selfish bastard. I don't want to do that if you're not ready for it. That's why I told you I just want you to be happy. What would you say if I ask you the same question? [I am the man]