It's a quiet thursday...Mattrew just left...He learned so much since he's here being watched by us. He's a wonderful joy to have around.

Anywho...Last nite episode of Lost is okay. I wish the series get back to the style they had in season one. I guess running the same gig every season is a downer. I just have to wait for my next show..."Entourage" to get pick up it season again. can't wait.

Talking about picking up...my speech therapist that give me memory exercise to train my post-accident brain...I was suppose to have a 2-month required test today so I spent all week doing memory exercises and stressing out and moving things around to accommodate for that test. I went to the appointment today and we did normal exercises and at the end when she said we are done for today...I told her I have a test today. She said I already took it and I got a little confused. Maybe it's her little trick to play with my post-accident mind...she said I took it last week...but last week, she told me it was a practice test...then she wrote the things I will be tested on a piece of paper I got...So she is trying to outsmart someone she thought that's mentally low. That is pretty horrible. Can you imagine an architect or designer doing that? Giving someone unimportant and let them do it casually and then tell them that's their final draft. I am fine with getting me to act more casual...but I think she should tell me after the practice test that the practice test is the final test. Period

Taking a tiny break from photoshopping some images for my website project. My pal and I discussed the one I did earlier and he like the work and the progress I've made...but it can be better...so we spent like 10 minutes talking about and doing some quick drawings and the new idea we came up with is pretty good. I'm just trying to execute the idea and it requires a lot of photoshopping and hopefully less dreamweavering.

With that said...I don't have that much to do and I will think I won't have a lot to do since I will not work for Ian Birchall ever again. I work my ass off and never get a chance to learn anything. It is useless working for his low wage. I am not an experienced designer. I want to and I need to learn. He took that and took my intention and motivation and apply it to things and task that will only achieve what he wants but not what I want. I will never be an architect under him. If I am an architect under him...I would probably be a cheap inferior interior designer.

[inferior designer] That's my new word after trying to help an interior designer...she made interior perspectives from an autocad model...very basic model...just 2 walls and a ceiling and she wanted to make it photorealistic in photoshop for he project. That to me is an insult to me and all smart, intelligent, ethical designers out there because designers doesn't do photorealistic. Designers do illustrations, collages to express their ideas...if your design is not good in a schematic scale...why would you want to spent hours to make it photorealistic. A good design will also look crappy if it's photorealisticly rendered... A good designer can do a collage like perspective. It is a way to show off the materials and style in an abstract way. It makes your client think and imagine the final outcome and not put a "picture" in their head and make them believe that is what they are going get.

Sorry about the rant...I might do some occasional architectural rant...

A friend of mine...Shinji...he is back in his home country of Japan. I think this guy is amazing with his architecture work ethics and design outcome. I also think he is a great pranker and prankster. He is the one we april foiled. So I hope this 5 minute worth of photoshop is not being offensive toward Japanese. It is more of a tribute to how genuinely funny he is and we as a group are. This is a picture of Shinji in an astronaut suit. He just have to put his face behind it and I took a shot. All of us friends did it and I just found the original picture and I just thought it's kinda fun to photooshop it and share it with you guys.

Oh love, get out of my head
You'll never get to heaven if you stay in my bed
And I don't think twice to lose control
Don't think twice you'll never ever fall
A beaten heart is all that I own
Hello, hello, hello I think you're out on your own
Well it may seem funny, but it don't strike honey for me
Breathe me away, breathe me back home
I can love you baby 'til the cows came home
- What's that noise? – Yeah it's the cows knocking on our door

Oh no, you're coming around to my place
Oh no, and I'm getting tired of your face
Who left the lights off baby?
Who left the lights off baby?
Oh no, the cows have all turned all their heads
Oh no the cows are all lying in our bed
And I'm not listening to what you're trying to say to me

You think you can be cooler
You think you can be cooler
You think you can be cooler, well no, no.
You think you can be cooler
You think you can be cooler
I won't let you go out through the door

Oh dog get out of my way
You'll never get to heaven if you always obey
And I don't want more, I don't want less
Happiness was never really our success
A little part of me is all that you own
Hello, hello, hello I think you're chasing a bone
You may look like honey but you don't smell sweet no more

You gave me away, I gave you a smile
One was alligator, one was crocodile
I guess it's just somebody's way to say we're not meant to be
Quit looking at me

Oh no, stop spinning around in my head
Oh no, I love my love is
Who left the lights off baby?
Who left the lights off baby?
Yeah oh no, my heart is just turned on its head
Oh no, this course is burning in bed
I'm not really getting what you're trying to say to me

Oh no, the cows have gone home for their tea
Oh no, I'm thinking I want to be free
Who left the lights off baby?
Who left the lights off baby?
Oh no, stop planting ideas in my head
Oh no, I'm thinking I want you out
And I'm not hearing what you're trying to get through to me

Had a little fun break yesterday and I get a chance to run the autostitch demo again to put together some of the panoramic pics I took in the past. I put together the much needed to put together images of April Foils at shinji's studio area. I think it's necessary because 2 years anniversary is coming up and we need to celebrate. About celebration...I also put up a panoramic of a camp site that me and my bros went to hang, to fish, to enjoy a midnight tan when lighter fluids are thrown in to the fire when we were chilling. I also put up the foo fighters music video "New Year" just in case that you haven't heard of the intro song to Ed [Jenn]. I think you guys will like it and maybe it would remind you of college days when you have to leave your family or graduation day when you have to leave you friends.

Next Year - Foo Fighters

Verse 1
I'm in the sky tonight
There I can keep by your side
Watching the wide world riot
And hiding out
I'll be coming home next year

Into the sun we climb
Climbing our wings will burn white
Everyone strapped in tight
Well ride it out
I'll be coming home next year

Chorus
Come on, get on, get on
Take it till life runs out
No-one can find us now
Living with our heads underground

Verse 2
Into the night we shine
Lighting the way we glide by
Catch me if I get too high
When I come down
I'll be coming home next year

I'm in the sky tonight
There I can keep by your side
Watching the whole world wind
Around and round
I'll be coming home next year

Chorus
Come on, get on, get on
Take it till I fall down
No one can find us now
Living with our heads underground

Ending
I'll be coming home next year
I'll be coming home next year
Everythings all right up here
When I come down
I'll be coming home next year

Bridge
Say goodbye
Say goodbye
Say goodbye
Say goodbye

Chorus

I'll be coming home next year (fade out)

Another quick post...I just posted one over the frustration of being let go with a lame letter from work. I already decided not to go back when I am fully heal. I think now I will do some training and improvement on my CADD and some other 3d skills. That might take awhile because I still got a cast on my right arm. When that is taken off...I will be on it all the time. I think now I would think and do a little designing on my portfolio/book. It will help me get my new job and create something great. I need to do some thinking exercise to sharpen up my architecture-ness. It doesn't matter...it's monday and I still got 3 weeks before seeing my bone doctor. I think my cast will be remove and I will be cast free.

BTW: Fuck the place I was working at. I do formz model on the computer all the time and I was not train and never learn anything from anyone. When I look for work next time...I will look for a place willing to train and not willing to abuse. I don't mind moving from a design firm to a lesser design firm because the design firm I was in don't give me opportunity to design because I am not very experience. If I am in a lesser design firm...I get to design and show off my design knowledge and change the future for the firm. I actually think of my early working days are like going to college. I go to college to learn what I care about...when I am done learning...I graduate from your firm and I don't really need a diploma.

What a fun day. I have not gone to work for more than 3 months and I finally got a letter from my old work place and they said I am let go. Their reason was that I didn't call them but I email them the first thing I do when I get back home. They just never reply to me and made me feel unwanted. So getting that letter is not something painful but I am glad they close the door and I didn't slam it.

I can finally do an entry about my thinking and action. This entry is about what I just deleted from this blog. If you read this blog often...you would know that I posted a letter I wrote 3-4 years ago to this girl to reply for the letter she gave me. I decided to post her letter up but I took it down because I feel a little ashame for doing that. I feel I am invading her privacy. She just want to tell those things to me in a quite manner and I should keep it that way. I also email her my reply to her so I felt that I did every possible and logical things to move towards a closure to our broken relationship. With me posting that letter here does not doing anything great for her or mend this relationship. I am not saying that we should be kissing and hugging but I feel that it will open a new door for us to be friends again. When I read her letter...it really reminds me of why I feel the way I did. It shows how respectful she is and how mature she is. I would miss a lot of greatness if I easily let go of her in my life. Sending her that letter is just to invite her back. I want her to join my life and I want to join her life.

It is pretty nice to post all that letter from the past up. I do apologize for the length of the letter but I am sure the content will put a great smile on your face and some relationship brainwave circulating and recycling in your head. Those words in my letter is not something I wrote randomly. Those are words in response to the words given to me by that one girl. This entry will be her words...It's lengthy but you'll enjoy them and they would explain why I wrote that letter...and maybe why I didn't give her my letter.

I have to say that if you're reading this, I had a great time with you in San Francisco. I had a little issue with which format I should vive this little rant to you because I didn't want you to read it too early, so maybe a CD would be appropriate. But I didn't want to deny you the opportunity to read it on the ride home because it might give you something to do, so maybe a hardcopy would have been more appropriate. And there are those ever present technical difficulties. Obviously, by the method you have access to read this, you know what I decided [hard copy].

And if you are reading this, it also meant that I chose to give this to you...a letter which I think is more personal and more intimate than any other letter I write. I want you to keep in mind that I'm writing this letter to you in the middle of the night, on an occasion which I haven't the foggiest idea what is keeping me awake, so please excuse the tangents. We've both been in Wiley's studio so I guess I don't have to set up any ground rules or give you too many warnings that this could and most likely will be lengthy. Because we've both been exposed to Keith's way of business, I'm not going to stress out too much about my grammar, misuse of vocabulary for the lack of better terms, or the traffic jam of thoughts. Yeah, this is going to be a stream of consciousness letter...kinda like how Keith lectures...I'd hate to be his shrink, so I won't treat you like one.

Anyway, in response to the letter which you gave me on my birthday, I wouldn't be insulted if I just got a birthday card...I get quite a few of them actually. And some friends just send e-cards so I don't think it's necessary to write a long letter out of the assumption that I would be insulted if otherwise. I'm a very down-to-earth and low-expectation-of-others person. On the other hand, the fact that you thought about it and that what you wrote me made me cry a little - not out of sadness, but out of flattery of those things. Thank you for writing it to me...it notches up the volume of how great a bond we have developed.

Ok, the tea tastes just a great and smells just as sweet when chilled. Thank you.

If you haven't been to the Jelly Belly Factory...let me know. I'll have to take you something. Yes, I have pondered how enjoyable those little objects of sugar are...I usually keep some in my room...amazing how something so small can have such concentrated flavor and remind us of fanciful things. I guess it's long overdue if one relies upon jelly beans to remember what s'mores taste like (toasted marshmallow + chocolate)...gosh it's been at lease five years since I've had an authentic.

Not too many people I trust with my intimate thoughts, let a lone my belongings. Thank you for helping me move and pack up my car. Typically I'm pretty nervous about leaving someone in my room alone...probably because I have caught some people snooping trying to figure out more about me. Those people don't know more about me for a series of reasons. But getting back to the point, I felt pretty confident and comfortable with you handling my stuff. Maybe it was because we've spent a lot of time together, or maybe it's because there's something about you, allowing me to trust you more...maybe there's more, or a combination of both or neither. But I can tell you for some reason(s) the pace at which out friendship, and proportionally the trust I have for you, has grown is exceedingly quick. And I am excited with anticipation about what will develop in the future.

Some people never quite understand me, and that can be unfortunate. Some people do, but they never get close to me. Some do get close to me but they fall...somewhere in the road they reveal selfishness, some kind of self serving motivates behind their action which hurt the friendship or hurt others, or whatever the case maybe. That's the most devastating factor I have to face with my friends. I have an had friends like the type I just mentioned above; friends who slip ans slip frequently. But there are a few people, who are close to me, but they don't slip.

I've learned to look into my friends' eyes, listen to their breathing, and figuratively, feel their heartbeat...I can tell when someone's truly concerned about other things besides his or herself. I can tell when someone...someone like you, is willing to put in the effort and patience to nurture a bond, to not have an ego, not be selfish, but also know when to pull back, when to think about and take care of oneself. It's a delicate balance.

But to those rare people in my life, I offer all I can to help. I am sometimes ashamed of what I do in response to their time of need; I'm a little ashamed because my parents tell me it's a weakness and vulnerability. I go beyond what is asked or needed at the time, I volunteer to inconvenience myself to help those, who I consider my best friends. I offer them to call me at any hour to talk, I travel to be with them, I run errands or attempt to do some seemingly impossible tasks to lighten the load. For those closest to me, I extend not just a warm hug and a comforting smile, but I extend hospitality of the heart.

When we were sitting on the beach, wind howling in my ears, sand in my eyes, and skin that fely like it were to freeze and crack off my bones, I let the year roll through my mind...all the challenges we accepted and overcame, all the things awaiting us, and all the friends I have made. I looked into your placid eyes, the only things that were calm and soothing at the beach, and I could sense that you'd be one to whom I would reveal some of my intimate thoughts, I would give and do what I could for our friendship, and give you more acceptance, patience, and forgiveness (if ever needed). By the way, I can't hold a grudge...and it's difficult to fight with them...well at lease from my stand point.

I'm a little different than the typical best friend. I trust that you will interpret this in the correct manner. I don't mean to scare you or make you feel in any way or from uncomfortable. And if you do have any problems or concerns with what I am about to tell you, please let me know quickly and direct and straight forth with your thoughts and feelings. I am a strong and mature person and I can accept and understand, and I am willing and always will be willing to adjust for our friendship because each person and bond is different.

In the past, I never had a whole lot of female friends. And actually,come to think about it, I still don't. And for some reason, I'm not that comfortable nor intimate with females because unfortunately there's some internal competition within the group and pettiness.
And that's the super short reason why I don't have a lot of female friends. So again, I have gotten of another tangent...imagine a circle and a line...ok...so let's take a quick look at my middle and high school years...

Back before architecture hit me in the head like a brick, some of my guy friends were way to conscious about how they acted around me because they were way to concerned about sending the wrong message. When it came to me, they held back from hugs both for happiness and support, from innocent pecks on the cheek for thankfulness, to wiping away tears, to horsing around, and going to school dances as safe dates.

Now, I was also very much treated like one of the guys...so maybe that had some of maybe a lot to do with how they treated me. I wasn't treated like a sister; I was treated like a guy guy...not even as a brother of a family of friends. Even though they saw a female, I was sure they would have called me a male. Don't get me wrong...I wasn't any tomboy. I was very much a girl. And I dressed and acted very much as a girl. I didn't understand what they were afraid of until I graduated from high school.

The were afraid of risking the friendship they had with me. They didn't want me to interpret their actions as something else, like flirting...they didn't know how to get that "straight girl, gay guy" thing with the friendship...minus the gay guy thing...they were very much straight. So I ended up as the girl who got the "guy treatment" side of friendship. Beats my childhood experience by far...I'll save that for another day if I haven't already told you. What was that...tangent #20? Sorry.

Anyway, they asked more than a friendship by being so conscious and censoring their behavior with me. They risked a great friendship...one that is so comfortable and so reliable that one doesn't have to worry about how things are interpreted...when a friendship gets to that point, friends should trust each other well enough that things won't get complicated or turn for the worst.

I realized that things between us are at that point when I can start to not worry about sending a message and it being misinterpreted. Do you know hen I realized this? I think you do. When you gave me my birthday gift and we were hugging and we both turned to kiss each other on the cheek, but ended up kissing each other's lips. Things weren't awkward...yeah it was a shock at first, but we're mature and carried on, and at least I still enjoyed your company. I think getting that out of the way opened a door for us to be more relaxed and comfortable around each other. With you, I don't want to have to think and be uptight about how I act around you, out of fear of losing the friendship. I still treat the friendship with great respect and highest honor, and try to do what I can to help the friendship develop and grow further...I'm not the type to let things slide once it gets to a certain point.

But I believe that hold back out of fear would be the greatest danger to an expanding friendship. I trust you and I don't want to stifle what we have. But I have to take a risk and let you know because not taking it is a greater risk. I wanted to let you know what my theory is because I don't want to confuse you. And unfortunately, I have lost friends because they couldn't comfortably accept that higher level of friendship...I offer to adjust but they still couldn't handle it knowing my theory and all. I am and I will always be willing to adjust if you're no comfortable.

You might be asking, so what's the difference between how I act around friends and those closest? Well, I am pretty relaxed around my friends. And I do trust them and I like to believe in people - that they will do and think the most correct things. I have a mild physical relation with all my friends (but things between those closest and myself are typically the following but at a different mutual and understood level) - hugs, pats on the back, sitting on each other's lap, sleeping in the same room, sharing food, joking and horsing around, going out to do things, having dinner, cooking, doing favors for each other...in general I act pretty much like how our winter studio acts around each other...pretty comfortable and innocently playful.

But for a few examples, when I start to trust you with my car (you are the only one in SLO I trust to drive me car...oh by the way, you are covered under my insurance if something happens while driving my car), when I feel comfortable leaving you alone with my belongings, when I'm confident enough to hang around you without any makeup (like I wear much or often), when I can fall asleep on your shoulder, when I know it's okay to get keys out of your right back pocket, when I feel free to hold you for minutes on end, when we can do these things comfortably without complications, I know in my heart that we've got something special, something with potential, something for the future to cherish.

(And by the way, I will try to break my habit of cracking eggs...hopefully by the end of the summer I will be a new and improved egg cracking expert)

This will be the other half of my draft of letter to respond to a letter wrote to me by a girl and gave it to me after a date. Here it is, the continuation of my letter I posted last time~~

I got too serious all of a sudden [I'm always serious]. I should talk about the lighter side of things for a change [I do that all time]. I couldn't think of any. Where is the tangent when I need one? It's 2:20pm right now. I still got some more things to say but I should lie down and gather my thoughts and courage to write to you more [I do that all the time].

I should tell you what is my happiest moment in San Francisco. It's so hard to choose because I enjoy them all [It was fun]. I enjoy being with you and spending time with you and your family. It's one of those days that I would look back in to and reminisce about all the little details. One moment just stuck in my mind. It's the time when we were inside the cable car and your hands are cold and you want to hold my hand. It's not the fact that we're holding hands that's so memorable [It's a good touch]. It's just the fact that you look in to me for comfort and for security that made it memorable. I remember you told me before how you hate it when people treat you like a piece of meat [i hate it too when people treat me a like a piece of meat...I only like them shredded]. I hope my affection towards you won't make you feel that way. I just want the same feeling you got when you held my hand. I just want comfort and security [That's a good line...note to self].

We did a lot of things that friends don't usually do but we did them anyway and you already told me what they mean to you. It felt comfortable to hug you. I feel secure when I'm around you and sitting next to you sharing with you the things that goes on in my life. There are things I don't feel comfortable telling you like how much I love you and all that [Should have told her bro...It would make things similar]. I guess that's why it's comforting to hug you cause I don't have to say it and I guess that's why we kissed [Saying I love you is harder than doing I love you].

After the kiss, I don't know what's going on in my mind. You looked fine and you said you're mature about it but I can tell it's bothering you [that can be a lie bro]. I'm sure you can see it's bothering me too. At Woodstock and at the hot tub, I'm not being myself and it's awkward and it sucks. That's why I want to apologize to you that night. The next day, it was ECS final, but I didn't sit next to you fearing that it might create more tension between us [tension is not fun...it would make me fail ECS]. Justin and I went downtown cause I promised him that I'd give him a ride downtown to pick up Audrey's gift. And that's the first time he knew about us [our kiss]. And Gordon came by and we got lunch together and we would check out his house later. Gordon asked me to call you over to help him move. I just felt awkward again to call you. After helping him moved, we went to Justin's place and I'm glad things begin to get back to normal [phew]. I can't help but to notice that things got more and more intimate between us like that party, the movie at Gordon's house, helping you move and pack, the beach, and that 10 minutes hug [good thing until I got her letter].

Being a selfish bastard, let me tell you what I want. I want a steady relationship with you. But you said you don't want a relationship right now and I respect that.I was washing my [eyes with tears...would that work?] my car today and I begin to understand what you want and what I should be doing. I have to agree that we are going too fast and we don't have a good foundation to build those emotions on. Next year, we are going to face many challenges that are beyond the scope of our imagination [Tough design and not relationship]. A relationship that is based on emotions might not survive [no way!]. So I'm willing to pause at where we are [So I am a VCR...maybe a DVD player]. I'm not going to change or stop what I'm doing. I'm still going to hug you, care about you, kiss you on occasion, and I'm still going to be that person you can talk to [I am a good friend?}. That doesn't mean I would abandon the fact that I love you [Good or Bad]. I would just work on improving the foundation of our relationship. I am willing to wait until you are ready. With that said, if you're not interested in a more intimate relationship in the future, you have to tell me because it's going to hurt [It's already hurting...a little more pain is okay]. If you're doing all those things just so you won't hurt my feelings and to maintain our relationship, please stop and tell me the truth [yes]. I hate the fact that people give me false hope [I hate false hope] and I am wasting time on things that won't go anywhere. I know you never lie to me and even if you do, you're doing it because you care about how I feel [more like how she want to feel]. I thank you for that. If that is the case, I don't think I can manage to be the person you trust [I will not be your friend...and that how our relationship was like post-letter].

I have the best analogy for the relationship that you want. 3D twister [twister we invented to play on the floor and wall at the same time]. That's right. I feel like I'm in a difficult position right now and I can easily drop out from the game or I can hold as long as I can until the next spin. It's hard to balance everything. This analogy sucks [It's okay...it's average...but I am not an average person]. It makes more sense when it's 4 in the morning [we played 3d twister 4 in the morning during final time].

Thanks for the latest comments...here is something I wrote like 4 years ago to that girl [but never gave] that sent me the email couple of days ago. I found it when I was arranging and organizing my stuffs. I haven't read it but I would just like to share the content and my reactions with you. [bracket would be my current comment]

It's about one o'clock right now. Last night, we had a talk about where we are heading in our relationship [We had a date in SF]. We said a lot of things in the lobby [The hotel she's staying at] and I can't really digest it instantly...you know, I'm no Zack [I thinks its a early smallville reference...zack is the jock that's dating Lana...who kinda look like this girl]. In the train [BART], I began to put my observations, understandings, interpretations...etc, and break them down and analyze them.That night, I got home, got in bed, try to get sleep. I just can't sleep. Words keep on popping in to my mind...I guess that's the stream of consciousness you're talking about. I didn't get up to write it down. I know when I start to write it down, these thoughts would just fade away as words appear on the screen [This is kinda like a blog a few years before its invention and popularization].

So this morning, I woke up at 9, even though I can't technically call it waking up cause I didn't sleep [damn I am good at writing stuffs...maybe it's just my ironic life]. But either way, I was going to get on the computer and start writing the thoughts I had that night. I guess I stalled again. I went and had breakfast. After breakfast, I thought I would begin to write. I stalled once again and I went outside to wash my car. For some reason, tedious, monotonous labor just helps me think [Very much like how I see my life and my architecture idea]. I was outside for like 30 to 40 minutes and I finally have a better understanding of where we stand [brewing the idea].

Those 2 paragraphs took me 15 minutes. [I have this in the paper...that's quick writing and thinking...blogging talent]

By now, you should know a lot about me. Remember how I judge a movie? If it makes me laugh, makes me cry, and makes me think, then it's a great movie. I'm sorry to compare you to a movie but you can make me laugh, you can make me cry, and you often time would make me think [a lot]. There's not a lot of movies or people that can do that to me.

Well, I got one thought out, what I should I talk about next?

Reading and rereading your letter, I can't help but notice the number of times you use the word "friends." [ouch word] That word brings back a lot of [pain] bad memories. Girls have gave me that "lets just be friends" [label] speech before and I would never see them again. Those words coming from you seem awkward as well. I would like to keep you in my life. I mean, seeing you go away the last day in San Luis Obispo was one of the hardest good byes I had [yea...we hugged for almost 5 minutes.] In the car, I was tearing up. It's just the fact that I have to part with a special person that I admire, a special person that I care about, or perhaps love would make my eye teary.

I know you are the last person in the world that would hurt me [not really...she did hurt me]. You don't have to answer this question if you don't want to. Are you just trying not to hurt me by telling me all this cause it's better than telling me you're not interested? Are you afraid that you'll hurt my feelings and things would never be the same [it is already not the same...I want the change to be good...she want it to be bad]? Is that why you said you're not interested in a relationship right now and you want to pause at where we are [pause sucks...awkward...meaning less...i'm no VCR]? I'm the last person in the world that would try to hurt you and if these questions hurt me as much as they hurt you, I apologize for that. [good job...apology removed]...

I just did a small fraction of my draft...I think it really illustrate my personality and how I behave in relationships...I hope you enjoy these...more to come...I have lots of material I need to blog up because they are blogs I made before there is any blog in the world. These are gold. Damn....the next paragraph is good...Now you can see why I love my blog readers...

Last nite, when we were talking in the lobby and you asked me what do I want. I couldn't come up with an answer. Whatever I said would make me a selfish person. If I want to spend more time with you, I'm being selfish cause I don't think about your situation. If I said I want to have a steady relationship with you and you said you're not ready for it. Again, I'm being a selfish bastard. I don't want to do that if you're not ready for it. That's why I told you I just want you to be happy. What would you say if I ask you the same question? [I am the man]

I should have write this couple of weeks ago. It is not something major but it's something that reflect who I am as a person. It would show people why I act the way I do. Maybe some of you came from the same path as me...here is the path...I am a big fan of the TV show Ed. I recently downloaded season 1 and season 2 and I have been catching up on the show and it really reflect the way I am today. The show is so great because the characters are like your friends and they, act, say, behave in a weird manner [just imagine me and my friend acting...randomness]. Watching that show for four years really make me their friend and make me act like them.

To basically tell you about the premise of the story...it's very similar to who I am too...It is about a young lawyer named Ed Stevens and he is married and working in a big New York City law firm to type up contracts. He was fired from his job because he didn't add a comma which cost the firm several million dollars. After he was fired, he went home early and he found his wife sleeping with a mailman. He decided to go back to his hometown in Ohio to get away from it all. He met a girl he used to like in high school and they kissed. That made Ed decided to stay in town and brought the local bowling alley and became the bowling alley lawyer.

That's basically is the intro to some of Ed's adventure in the series...sorry about the unfunny and informational entry...maybe I'll have a good one brewing for today. If you know me and my friends [Jenn] and you watched Ed [did you or will you Jenn?], you will know where I come from. I would have brought the DVD if they ever release them.

Plus: Their intro song is the Foo Fighter's Next Year. It is from their 3rd cd. I love the Foo Fighters for a while and I love this show even more when they use a Foo Fighters song. It's a great song and it really mean what Ed is doing. It also reminds me of what I am doing in certain phase of my life.

Oh: It's produced by David Letterman...I love the Late Show...You know why this is my show

This entry might just look like a regular entry but if you continue to read it, you might learn a thing or two...and I am sure you'll learn from it because it comes from me. I said these things when I was in the hospital when I was hurt. I don't really remember that phase that well but my friends told me and asked me the stuffs I said when I was in that phase. I said my arm feels like an iron sword. I have no clue what it is...so I googled it and this is what I found.


After the iron sword...I found out from another friend that I said stomping monkey a lot in hospital. My google sent me to urbandictionary.com...and their definition for monkey stomp is this. That's pretty bad. Please click on the link...it's worth it. It's almost an invitation to my brain.

Received an email from a girl I used to like...It is a nice email...but she have put me through a lot of difficult thing because of her scheduling problems. I don't know...maybe she just want to email me so she would think she is right and I am not...here is her email with my edition in [brackets].

Michael [me],

Thanks for checking up on me [Thanks you for rarely checking up on me]; this whole job search
has been stretched out too long! [I wonder why?] I did very well in San Francisco, and I got two job offers, one with David Baker [I would take the baker because I tried to apply there] and the other with WM+P (Mcdonough + Partners). Unfortunately, I think those firms are
perfect if I got a few more years of experience instead of taking them right out of school [If you want experience...You would work for a big crappy firm then move away from it]. I wanted to learn some different things and I think I'll eventually find them. [First job is like college...you graduate when you can't learn anymore]

I am currently interviewing in Seattle and I'm getting some pretty good looks from some great firms [I am glad because I know you are talented but isn't hatcher is fucking in and perhaps you in Seattle since he's also there?]. They're still in hiring mode up here, and that's good news for
job hunters.

I hope you're doing well. I am so sorry that we weren't able to get our schedules to line up [Yea...that is my fault]. I am not sure what your recovery schedule is like, but if
you're looking for a job in the bay area, I heard Anderson Anderson and Bohlin Cywinski Jackson are looking for entry-level hires [Why don't you take those...too crappy?].

Now that I think about it, and it's completely out of line for me to suggest, but I think you would like Seattle [I would because of the greatness of architecture in that area...but I am a Bay Area guy. The location is perfect for everything I do in my life. I am close to everything I love]. In a way, it's similar yet different to San Francisco. And the weather isn't as awful as they tend
to say[There is a lot of rain there...]; it's usually mixed like the bay area.

If you're curious about the Pacific Northwest building community [not really..there are few good firms..good use of material and craftsmanship], it's very active and closely networked. Some great work is happening here and would be a great opportunity for learning and development [I believe it...but I want to make beautiful building in SF]. You can check out the work with Bohlin Cywinski Jackson, Cutler Anderson, Olson Sundberg Kundig Allen Architects, Lead Pencil, Prentiss Architects, Schemata Workshop, E. Cobb Architects, LMN Architects, MillerHull, Weinstein A|U, and more listed at the AIA Seattle Chapter website. There's a good base of older
alumni from Cal Poly established here and firms have been impressed by our program.

And what's not to like about a neighborhood-oriented city that loves the arts and trades like glassblowing, steelwork, metal-smithing, ceramics, painters, and other handcrafts [craft is good for thinking]? Tons of urban craft sales and open-air markets. The summers I heard are gloriously long, sunshine and mild. And a bunch of new city art sculpture parks opened up along the elliot bay and soon to be reopened city art museum. And if you haven't been to Pike Place market, it is one to visit [Interestingly fun].

If I do end up in the Pacific Northwest [go], and if that little spill didn't plant a seed[ouch], I hope I can convince you to come and visit [really]. I hope you're doing better! Keep me updated[what about now?]!

xoxo

I just have to write to transport this stuffs off of my mind. I'm pretty sure I would be doing it successfully because it will haunt on me on an epic scale if I don't. Just because I hurt my head during my accident, I have to go through with these brain training class. The therapist said my memory is weak but everything else is top notch. So she trains my memory with whole bunch of dumb things I have to do. Seriously...it's fucking useless in my life. Memory is useful but I am an architect who carry a sketchbook with me and I sketch and take notes with me...and I feel naked with out my sketchbook. That is the way I remember things. So now I have to recall numbers that she read, dumb sentences repeating, recalling sequences...whole bunch of stuffs. I am a learner...I only remember stuffs I know and I care about...those stuffs that she want me to remember is stuffs I don't give an fucking ass on. It's useless...why do I have to remember? I want to learn and remember how to save a life and not how to kill a horse. That is my rant and I can't wait to finish all those appointments and quit. She is good at memory...but i'm sure she is not smart and intelligent. Shouldn't a therapist make me worth something...she's making me feel like dirt on shit I don't give a fuck about.

I guess it is another time for me to do an entry. The reason for this entry is provoked by an email I received out of nowhere from a girl out of nowhere. [the word nowhere is kinda like now here] Lemme start with this girl communicating with me and I will slowly move on to other greater and more important people and their communications with me.

This girl...she is someone I used to like and she contacted me through email when I was hurt. She wanted to pay me a visit when she will be in the area for job interviews. She didn't visit because her schedule and mine didn't quite fit. I got her email today[which provoke this entry] and she talk about her lengthy San Francisco interviews and she said she got some offer but she want to be a little more experience before taking them. She then went job hunting in Seattle. I think it's still early in the job hunting process and she is telling me about the nice weather and if she got a job there...I should visit her. I guess I will tell her I am visiting but my schedule will not work out.

Frankie likes to poke me on Facebook. With a lovely and genuine respond, I just just poke her back. This is how Frankie and Mike do things.

I called up a good friend who is now a math professor at a junior college. We caught up with some of our recent stuffs and we look forward to hanging out with each other at a grill out and a giants or A's game this summer. We also talked about the team and all that. I brought up my current activity on building a website for that DJ...it's not very active in terms of getting it started because I haven't meet that DJ yet But we should meet this weekend for me to get some information and thoughts for what he want on his website and I can give him some great ideas that I have. This meeting should make him want to pay us more. I don't really care for the money now. I just want to get my stuffs out there for people to enjoy. I'm sure my friend is going to get a lot of requests soon and he will be requesting a lot of my help. If that is the case...I would request some money. [back to the story...sorry about my tangent...isn't all our life a tangent] When my friend hear I am doing some work, he is happy for me that I am doing something productive and money making[productive can mean both work and money]. He wanted to create a website this summer for his classes in fall where students can ask questions on the forum-like place and he would answer it in the forum. I think it is a great teacher tool and demonstrations of how good and how active of a teacher he is.

I got a quick and delightful of a message from a good [or great or happy or smart or confusing once in a while(haha...I know you'll be reading this)] friend. She said she read this blog a lot so doing this entry is pretty much 99.99% my effort and 0.01% hers. To correct that...Its more like 99.99% my effort and 100% hers. Thanks for give me motivation to be funny 99.99% of the time and write funny 0.01% of the time. Thank you.

fun link about bedroom design in architecture

It's the day of day light saving time...it's been pushed up by george w. bush and it's a little weird to have this early. Let me try to review some of the weirdness that have happened in this day.

I was hanging out with my bro harsh at a local chipotle for lunch. We were waiting in line...

[event 1] We were waiting in line in chipotle and this girl was also standing and waiting in front of us but she was carrying a stack of paper relating to houses and condos. I told Harsh that I think she is a real estate agent. Harsh asked her if she is a real estate agent and she said she is. Then I introduced myself and I told her that I am an architect. I design houses and buildings. She asked me where I work and I said SF. I then told her I am on a break because of my broken arm. We didn't talk that much when we are ordering. After ordering, she gave us her card in case we want to buy or sale any properties. I guess this is my first case of using my architect identity to start a conversation of pick up a person.

So me and harsh are eating outside because it's a nice day. It's next to the parking area and this happen:

[2] I guess some driver values more at a hot burrito then driving his car. He left his keys inside his van. A tow truck came and couple of guys started finding a way to open the car door. The did the wire stick in the window trick. They were trying very hard and long...suddenly the alarm of the mini-van came on. Who install alarm on the van? So me and harsh were eating outside with a loud alarm right next to us...that happened twice before they got the door open.

[3] I then decided to call up Gary to see how he's going becaues I want to share the chilling experience at chipotle with gary. He answered his phone and we had a great talk and I asked harsh to play the vanilla ice message that we did and let gary listen. I think that is a great and funny message and I'm glad he had a good laugh. The phone conversation is just catching up with how we are. I am fine and he's just going to his mom's house to clean the cat's barf.

Me and Harsh then went to the local mall to check out some clothes and games. Nothing much really happened there. We then went back to his house and we play some guitar. It's a great day with 3 exciting things happened to us.

Haven't post anything in the last few days. It's not because I am lazy. I am usually lazy in other things but not things I truly and deeply care about. I did write about the possibility of building a website for a DJ with my friends and I haven't build a website and use the latest version of Dreamweaver. I felt I am a little behind with website building but I feel that it is a good opportunity for me to do some design build. I do worry that if I do a website for someone without some experience, I would feel I am letting the person down. As a designer, I am not just trying to make my client happy...my goal is to make myself happy. If I am happy, my client will be happy. If I am not happy with my design...my client smile is fake and deceiving to me.

My goal to freshen my website building skill is to refresh it. I got the tutorial and I am in the process of building my own website. It is a portfolio, book, design, photography, and sketches I made in my architecture/designer career. It also have link to this blog and my build-build blog. I think it will be a great place for people and/or designer to come and visit. There is a greatness to it because everything in it from the website/container to the contents are created by me. I am still working on it...I don't work on it all the time. I only work when I have a great idea. Here is the link:

http://h1.ripway.com/mcheung/

Haven't post anything in the last few days. It's not because I am lazy. I am usually lazy in other things but not things I truly and deeply care about. I did write about the possibility of building a website for a DJ with my friends and I haven't build a website and use the latest version of Dreamweaver. I felt I am a little behind with website building but I feel that it is a good opportunity for me to do some design build. I do worry that if I do a website for someone without some experience, I would feel I am little the person down. As a designer, I am not just trying to make my client happy...my goal is to make myself happy. If I am happy, my client will be happy. If I am not happy with my design...my client smile is fake and deceiving to me.

My goal to freshing my website building skill is to refresh it. I got the tutorial and I am in the process of building my own website. It is a portfolio, book, design, photography, and sketches I made in my architecture/designer career. It also have link to this blog and my build-build blog. I think it will be a great place for people and/or designer to come and visit. There is a greatness to it because everything in it from the website/container to the contents are created by me. I am still working on it...I don't work on it all the time. I only work when I have a great idea. Here is the link:

http://h1.ripway.com/mcheung/

I had a little break from blogging here and I blog my old thesis opening statement about my intention in that thesis. That thesis led me to belief in what I belief in now. I just need to do a little more thinking and when my cast if off...i'll do some sketching and modeling building to see where that idea will take me. I will also do a website and remake a book/portfolio of all my architecture work and how those work are supporting my idea. Since I post it at the build build blog...you guys might not looks at it. I'll repost it here so I can share it with you and kinda introduce you to the new and current short world of build-build...enjoy!

/.open.source.architecture

/.With the advancement of technology, a line of code or a pixel are being taken for granted. The honesty and charm of an 8-bit computer graphic is replaced with detailed 3-D rendering. The idea of abstract represenation is replaced with actual representaion. Digitality is replacing physicality.

/.Today, I see people relying on computers to perform physical tasks more than ever before. Drafting tables, pencils, and triangles are being replaced by AutoCAD. Digital models replace physical models. As a tool, I think computers are wonderful, but they lack that physical honesty a hand drafted drawing or a physical model can offer. There is no directionality in a line that is drawn on a screen. Process is absent in the digital world.

/.The evident of our existence is through artifacts which are the things we create. A building is an artifact, but so are the drawings and the design sketches. How much of what we create do we want to be digitalized in to zeros and ones store on a rigid rotating planar magnetic surface [aka hard drive]? Is that the artifact that we want to leave behind?

/.This thesis is an exploration in the process of making. It is a discovery of the self through self expression. In a world of mass-production, people rarely "make" to express the self. Art is becoming a commodity. In this thesis, I want to take a step back in order to understand the essence of making. I want people to be aware of the importance in expressing the self. It is not a rejection of technology but as a way to combine technology and self expression in creating.

I am about to finish my dreamweaver tutorial videos. This means I will need to start designing and building my actual portfolio website to show off my work and ideas and warm up for the DJ website that I will be making with a friend for a DJ which will earn me some cash. Plus...Learning a new design and build arena would be a great outlet for my creativeness. It might take a while for the first site because I still have a cast on my arm. I am also going to do a cooler and better portfolio/book with my grand idea of build-build. both website and book are going to showcase my previous work, my sketches, my writings, furniture design, furniture making and some of the weird things that I do..note to self...april foils. The book will be permanent but might have part 2 and 3...the website will be updated when I feel like it...it's going be like a blog...I should add some blog post in my book and website...thinking...

(21:10:12) xeonarch: went through your thesis.
(21:10:58) xeonarch: it was pretty good. alot of analysis on form and space
(21:12:17) machine612: oh thanks....i might continue to develope the basicness of computer codes and the basicness of man and see what kind of ideas i can come up with
(21:13:05) machine612: i will be reworking my portfolio kinda like my thesis book cause i just took karen's portfolio class so i just rushed my portfolio
(21:14:14) xeonarch: ah ic..
(21:14:16) xeonarch: nice
(21:14:50) xeonarch: that'll be a good chance to "change up" your thesis through your portfolio
(21:15:34) machine612: i'm also relearning dreamweaver for some website side job...I am thinking of warming up for it by building my own portfolio website...you think that's a good idea?
(21:21:04) xeonarch: yeah definetly
(21:21:17) xeonarch: you can use the layout as a graphic layout project
(21:21:28) machine612: yea
(21:21:33) xeonarch: and the website for the protfolio
(21:21:44) xeonarch: kinda a parasytic event
(21:23:17) machine612: what do you think of the idea which came after my thesis which is showing the craftmanship, materials, details in how a building is put together? that to me is very delightable to experience...more so than just looking at a blob building and not liking the inside
(21:24:16) xeonarch: i think that's where techtonics really shines
(21:24:41) xeonarch: the material and feel of the material mentally and physically come to fruition on a structure
(21:25:15) xeonarch: that's part of the great debate of whether a buidling is just a building or a piece of scupture?
(21:25:28) machine612: i think about that a lot now...i dont mind people doing blob but they dont go and think about the constuction, details, and materials of it...
(21:25:54) machine612: mine thesis as you can see isn't that crazy but i have a lot of details to try to express my thesis idea
(21:25:56) xeonarch: so I think that is a delightable part which we get to do freely in SLO
(21:26:01) xeonarch: build build and see
(21:28:02) xeonarch: just like a real project
(21:28:23) xeonarch: alot of details to truly express a structure
(21:29:10) machine612: yea...i think build build is great...a lot of people just design design which i think is really not that great...cause as a crit...i see the beauty in the making
(21:30:14) xeonarch: thats what our profession is really about, and i do see myself just rushing working now
(21:30:36) xeonarch: and not truely see the pleasure of just build build on paper
(21:31:05) machine612: i think the best drawings are the one made in workshop...
(21:31:19) xeonarch: shop drawings, yes
(21:31:27) xeonarch: i see hand drawing and care
(21:31:35) xeonarch: it's realy nice
(21:31:51) xeonarch: they still submit blueprint shop drawings
(21:31:54) xeonarch: it's cool
(21:31:55) xeonarch: haha
(21:32:00) machine612: it have all the info, the dimensions, the way to contruct it and the materials...
(21:32:44) xeonarch: yup
(21:33:19) machine612: and a lot of people at 5 year crit have computer and printed drawings which is only a pretty model show at an angle no one can see and have no ideas of what the connections are...i am different...hopefully you remember my thesis set up or see it in my book
(21:36:22) xeonarch: it's been a while but yeah I remember parts of the presentation
(21:36:52) machine612: i built my own support to put up my hand drawings
(21:37:19) machine612: lemme upload it on my blog so you can look at my construction phase
(21:42:03) machine612: http://anthromorphic.blogspot.com/
here it is...you can check some pics i took when i finished...and if you scroll down..you can see me as a baby...this is my blog and i just write on it when i feel the words
(21:46:26) xeonarch: cool
(21:46:42) xeonarch: you should have took more professional photos of these
(21:46:57) xeonarch: be a strong part of the thesis
(21:47:31) machine612: haha...i buit those like 2 days before my show and the photolab is always crowded during that time
(21:47:59) machine612: I just wanna be casual about my project..

I guess this is fun to post...I just saw this on the main page of yahoo. I guess this relates very closely to me and the hundreds or thousands of young architectural designers, interns, student that are working for a well paid architect. We are not paid enough for the task we do, the words we have to hear, middle fingers we have to face...and at the end...we don't learn anything to progress our lives to being an architect. If we do become an architect...we will treat out employees the same fucking way. Good fucked up system...time to change with the build-build idea...more on that maybe later...

Just found some great pictures of me when I was a baby. Its great.

Today is a great day for me. It is my birthday and I am hoping for a new start in what I want to do. It makes me think about my accomplishment in the past [best designer in Marco Frascari's studio.] I am not looking forward to new challenges coming to me. I am currently relearning dreamweaver [i used it like 5 years back] because of the newer version they have now. And website are different now because of the new technology and stuffs. I want to update my knowledge on it. Other than that...I am trucking on with my rehabilitating life. It's gonna be a nice, great, clean, beautiful, wonderful, 25th year of my life.

So damn funny...I like it...it's funny because I know what the drawing said the designer had in mind and I also see what the drawing implied to the contractor on what should be built. Thank you Adam for showing me the humor in the lovely and not so lovely life of an architect and a builder